urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05 and never moves her lips dien 2006-06-02T18:24:49Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:59174 2006-06-02T18:24:49Z 2006-06-02T18:24:49Z im not used to this type of work<br />mental strains and what not <br />im like so near my breaking point<br />its a low point but im near it<br />anyways idk i felt like i was having a panic attack today<br />i just wanted to scream and shitr<br />i hate customers who cant talk and expect me to do everything<br />i never enjoyed a cigg so much than i do these days<br />i wanted to pull my hair out right now<br />hahaha<br />a good rant is what i needed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:58982 2006-06-01T17:03:09Z 2006-06-01T17:03:09Z wooOOOOooOOoO <br />SO WHO WANTS TO GO TO FRANTONES PIZZA TOMM?<br />IMA GO AT MY LUNCH TO GRUB WITH THE AMIGOS<br />WHO WANTS TO ROLL? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:58830 2006-05-25T16:51:51Z 2006-05-25T16:55:01Z im sick of being sick<br />im sick of doing work<br />im sick of your bullshit<br />and im sick of your being a jerk<br />im sick of paying fines<br />and sick of paying dues<br />im sick of haveing a headache<br />and im sick of you<br /><br /><br />basically im just fucking sick<br />no really like cough cough<br />im sick at work and i have to keep a smile all day<br />this is such bullshit<br />i hate it <br />i want to go home and sleep<br /><br /><br /><br />7 more hours<br />:[ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:58161 2006-05-16T18:16:27Z 2006-05-16T18:16:27Z HEY EVERYONE<br />im bored at work<br />come to my bank and open an account or somthin<br /><br /><br />cummmmon<br />pleeeeeeeaseeeeeeeeee<br /><br /><br />norwalk and imperial<br />union bank<br /><br /><br />go NOW! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:57967 2006-05-16T14:49:21Z 2006-05-16T14:49:21Z ok so im all done with my training...<br />today will be my first day<br /><br /><br />real money<br />real people accounts<br />its kinda scary<br /><br /><br />u screw up anywere else and u get ur manager mad at u<br />i screw up and its like federal shit<br />idk<br />aahah<br /><br /><br />i have to go in at 8:30 so i have <br />some time<br /><br /><br /><br />wish me luck urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:57638 2006-05-09T04:48:29Z 2006-05-09T04:49:41Z Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you( skies_in_autumn). In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.<br />1. i have to eat in 4's. like 4 french fries for chips etc. etc.<br />2.im truly only sure of 1 thing in my life....<br />3.i get annoyed when i hear an answering machine...its not the fact that they dont answer i understand people can be busy, but i hate the machines...idk why?<br />4.i have never ever ever ate a Big Mac b4...and i dont ever plan on it either.<br />5.i once farted i church and blamed it on a old lady behind me when i was like 14 i think...?<br />6.i admit i can not dance for the life of me...like party dancing and shit but like swing dancing WOOT WOOT nah jk but yeah i have no dancing rythem...haha :[<br /><br />...<br />you are the lucky six...marios angles if u all will...LOL<br /><br />frosco<br />shell_kiss<br />tigeronvaseline<br />_omertta<br />lu_c<br />elapse urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:57420 2006-05-07T09:07:20Z 2006-05-07T09:07:20Z who saw the fight?<br />del la destroya!!<br />haahah<br />that shit was too sick urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:57300 2006-05-04T23:34:13Z 2006-05-04T23:34:13Z i am getting paid to be on a computer and go on livejournal<br /><br /><br />thank you union bank of cali <br />:] urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:56483 2006-05-02T05:43:14Z 2006-05-02T05:43:14Z u know i had a good day<br />new work and all<br />but its little habbits<br />that seem to piss me off the most<br />the little things u notice <br />that everytime they happen<br />u get this horrible feeling of hate<br />well anyways<br />my rant has a point<br />i had a awsome DAY<br />but my night was just bumed out of me<br />idk<br />i cant stand it<br />even when i think im doing good<br />i still get mad and this fire heats up<br />and then knowing i cant do anyting about it<br />i get down<br />and i just want to stop everything<br />if i went with my normal feelings when i was like this<br />i would just not go to work<br />its a great job<br />but right now im so pissed and sad<br />and angry<br />and pissed<br />and anything else u got thats negative<br />that i would just stop it all<br />not call anyone<br />make people think i fell of the face of the earth<br />and just lie there in bed<br />wondering how it all would be if it went good<br />i could make a whole life of just wondering what would of happend<br />if my parents never split up<br />or if i never got into drugs<br />or if i never got kicked out<br />of if i never knew i could of had a little brother out there<br />or a bunch of other shit<br />haveing all that in my mind all day<br />its fucking horrible<br />i cant stand it<br />it takes up my whole day<br />its this huge giant that steps on any good thing <br />cus its so big it can crush anything<br />nothing good can be big enough to over come it<br />its sooooo tempting to stop everything<br />i bet you i could and no one would notice<br />sure some people wouldnt get free weed<br />but they would soon find another source<br />but everyone else<br />i would probably be a hazzy memory at best<br />im not talking shit about anyone<br />but i had nothing really to offer<br />i was always just there<br />like some nameless head in a crowd<br />so in time<br />everyone will still party<br />and still drink and get fucked up and do the same shit they always do<br />and in the midst of all this<br />i will be gone<br />just lyeing there in bed<br />with a big beard and long nails<br />with a smile thinking and pretending i am off<br />in some wonderfeul place were everytning went right<br />were i have self respect<br />and dignity<br />and sometimes<br />shit works out for me<br />yeah you could ask<br />well what about your job?<br />i know its a good job and it does pay well<br />but whats the point of haveing money when there is nothing to buy<br />i dont like money<br />i hate it<br />it causes problems<br />i dont need anything<br />the only thing i buy is weed and coke and booze<br />OoOOOoOoOoo<br />i admited it<br />but anyways <br />yeah man i dont buy anything "real"<br />so why do i need this job?<br />if i could give it up for 1 day were everything was right i would<br />man that would be sweet<br />one day<br />were i could wake up and go to bed with a smile<br />that would be something<br />i would give anything for something right to happen<br />i had alot of nice things for a while<br />but they all came with a cost<br />were it was an allusion at first it was going good<br />u know it was like a drug<br />every party,gf,events...shit u think would go good<br />well they would<br />but like i said its like a drug were u do it<br />and its chill<br />and your riding high<br />u feel on top<br />theres nothing wrong that could happen<br />and BAMMMMMMMM<br />it goes downhill<br />your on a sick comedown<br />and you cant stop it <br />till u crash<br />and then i find out all this bullshit<br />that crushes the good urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:56099 2006-05-01T05:16:42Z 2006-05-01T05:16:42Z tomm morning i go to my new job<br />my first day as a bank teller<br />now i say im nervous cus if u have got to know me <br />im not really a "job" person<br />im not down wit the "wake up and go to work"<br />im a "wakre up and smoke" person<br />its a big step for me<br />and im rather afraid urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:55990 2006-04-28T18:55:52Z 2006-04-28T18:55:52Z beatles. girl sometimes i want to fly away<br />float with the clouds<br />and forget everything that i left on earth<br />the good and the bad<br />mainly the best thing that happend to me<br />i wish it would get smaller and smaller<br />as i went higher and higher urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:55438 2006-04-22T09:52:12Z 2006-04-22T09:52:12Z kanye cus this isnt a regular thing<br />you caught me off gaurd<br />played me like a fool<br />you actually beat the best <br />the best there was to offer<br />you beat the house<br /><br /><br />and everyting that happend is for a reason<br /><br />i work hard for it not to happen<br />just thinking i am more than made me fall<br />cus i am only human<br />flesh and bones<br />and i can fall down<br /><br />it hurts when u think you are imortal<br />when u think nothing can stop you<br />and all in a minute<br />you read something <br />and it makes you feel like an inch tall<br />you feel like a fool<br />and idiot<br />jackass<br />lame<br />lop<br />dork<br />fool<br />ignoramus<br />incompetent<br />and so forth<br /><br />being drunk doesnt help any urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:55091 2006-04-19T07:23:15Z 2006-04-19T07:23:15Z fuk real quick what happend<br />got drunk at some downey gig<br />went to a school<br />got mad and wanted to cut off basketball nets<br />andy didnt hear me sayin ima use my knife<br />tries to slam dunk the same net im cutting<br />middle finger,pointer,and ring are opened up like a gutted fish<br />blood everywere<br />i get scared and toss my knife in a elemtary school<br />and have blood all over me<br />ahahahahha<br />it was fukin funny as hell<br />we both had a good laugh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:55032 2006-04-17T23:12:59Z 2006-04-17T23:12:59Z johnny thunders im livin on a chinese rock<br />and everythin is in the pawn shop!<br />mmmmmmmmm<br />warm beer<br />mmmmmmmmm<br />narcotics<br />lol<br />fuk man im bored during the week urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:54770 2006-04-14T08:59:21Z 2006-04-14T08:59:21Z THIS SHITS GONNA BA IN DETAIL!<br /><br />ok so today was theeee best fucking day by far in a long time...<br />so i had a math test thing for a job at a bank...<br />i mean i really want this job<br />full benifits<br />great pay<br />so i go and theres like 10 other people takin the test<br />so im like fuck these people were older to so im like fuck im screwed<br />well only me and 2 others passed<br />so like then there like oh u 3 go in there<br />and like we get a group interview<br />right off the bat i felt uncomfortable<br />i felt i didnt do my best<br />so then after the questions<br />the lady was like ok were done well call u all in a day or 2<br />yada yada yada<br />then i walk out and she like <br />"oh mario and jesse(the other guy) you guys forgot to sign this paper"<br />so we go back and theres no papers<br />so im like wtf?<br />and she smiled and was like u 2 got the job<br />haha<br />so then we got some finger prints done<br />i was all shocked<br />so as soon as my back ground check comes back<br />i start<br />and its a block from my house the branch ima be at<br />so like its literally a 5 min walk to work<br />so after me andy anth cassie and tom(hommie from rio) went to MOCA<br />it was fee to go today<br />so like i got stoned out of my mind for the last time (drug test!)<br />and we went<br />it was really cool<br />then while there with these 2 hot ass indie chicks was the drummer from graf warlok( spelling/)<br />any ways so like it was radddd<br />then we desided to try and get lost then find a resturaunt to eat and found a fukin great ass Thai place<br />sooooo good<br />theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen<br />we went back to toms pad and like busted out these 2 huge as canvases and we just had a shit load of paint and chalk and this and that and what not and we just went crazy<br />idk it came out pretty cool<br />TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHEN<br />we all go home and i got into my house quite as a church mouse<br />went into my little secret stash are<br />packed a fatttt ass bowl and smoked it all to the dome<br />and began telling you my story :] urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:54476 2006-04-11T16:26:46Z 2006-04-11T16:26:46Z <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/borncynic/razor-full-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket"></a><br><br />i want this as a new dog.<br />if i get him i will get hima spike collar.<br />i will name him RAWK. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:54241 2006-04-09T19:03:31Z 2006-04-09T19:03:31Z this morning i woke up and my sister was cryng cus our dog died.<br />it got me down<br />i had the dog since i was born me and her grew up together<br />idk say its lame cus im sad<br />but i dont care right now<br />she was a good friend<br />:[ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:53903 2006-04-06T06:41:50Z 2006-04-06T06:41:50Z FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH<br />i got another interview today<br />so far the new job search is cool<br />2 banks want me!<br />how fuking cool is that<br />time to rejoice<br /><br /><br />dude if i get the jobs<br />fuck dude huge celebration party with like<br />836793tr736r7932719327e378e1-9 kegs and<br />8932r688ye789326tr blunts going around<br />hahah<br />im fukin excited urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:53709 2006-04-01T11:30:12Z 2006-04-01T11:30:12Z the vibrators take the time to read this if i wish<br />its snot much but just what ive been feeling<br />the mood is right for me to type right now<br />a handful of a wide variety of pain killers<br />and like a rich white man i have wiskey on the rocks<br />the cold of the night no longer has its effects on me<br />and my mind is as clear as it has ever been<br />ive changed alot in the past few months<br />some drastic life changing choices i made are now<br />takeing its toll on me, it was a bit more than <br />i expected but i made those choices and i must live with them<br />the past few days for some reason ive been thinking alot of my friends<br />i miss alot of them<br />i got to chill with mike which was very fun<br />now if i can just chill with everyone else who ive been meanin to chill with<br />i would be alot happier<br />i havent been as sad or like down as i used to be<br />i just realized that in life...theres goin to be alot of curve balls<br />alot of break ups<br />alot of fights<br />alot of unexpected shit<br />and if i keep thinking about them<br />ima be stuck on them and never move foward<br />so with that in mind i am a happier person<br />ive have been stressin it on other things<br />like money...not that i dont have any<br />but like that whole bank shit and balancing your account<br />its kinda intimidating for me<br />ive learned the hard way about overdrawing your account<br />its kinda scary knowing like that ima have to do that alot more as i grow older<br />but hey its just part of growin up and ill make it work<br />speaking of work...i am no longer employed<br />i quit my job this friday and im could not be happier<br />construction just wasnt for me...<br />god willing my test will pass at the bank( not drug test)<br />and maybe that will be a fun job<br />i want to attend school soon<br />look into who has cool history classes<br />my dads helping me look for apartments around the area<br />nothing so far but its cool my dads helping me<br />me an dhim have been getting along alot more now<br />we became more than father and son recently<br />we have a pretty cool friendship that imvery happy with<br />i have not been fighting with my step mom anymore <br />so things are alot more peaceful in my house<br />i might still be moving to el paso<br />but its like 50/50 right now<br />u see my friends dad sold 1 of 2 houses he owned...<br />and now there looking for houses over there<br />if he finds what he likes he will get a house for his household and another house<br />not to far from it for my friend and i<br />he told me no rent we just have to pay for utilities which sounds like a great deal to me<br />so id he ends up getting the house i will miss u all<br />but naturally i would visit...how could i never come vist cali again? ahah<br />but yeah thats about it for now...<br />so all in all shits going pretty swell :] urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:52872 2006-03-25T18:28:20Z 2006-03-25T18:28:20Z hey was up i havent talked to alot of you in a while<br />hows everyone doin? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:52700 2006-03-23T03:24:19Z 2006-03-23T03:24:19Z IM FUKIN SICK SON!<br />like really i have a cough and runny nose<br />:[ urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:52361 2006-03-18T19:54:50Z 2006-03-18T19:54:50Z gone golfin with Mr.crazy<br />shoot a few holes and pack a few bowls urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:52187 2006-03-15T19:29:25Z 2006-03-15T19:29:25Z <small> i cant keep up<br />im loosing the war<br />its getting me tired<br />its a drain on me<br />it takes so much<br />i dont know what to do</small> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:51755 2006-03-15T04:25:51Z 2006-03-15T04:25:51Z <img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/borncynic/see_no_hear_noeviltattoo.jpg" /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:born_cynic05:51671 2006-03-13T07:52:49Z 2006-03-13T07:52:49Z JaaaY Yoooou ICe (juice) hahaha<br />there could be so much on this<br />if i took the time to type it all out<br />all my doubts, regrets, worries, and wonders...<br />the thoughts of "what if"<br />all written down in this one testament<br />but yet like all things i lack the <br />motivation<br />the drive<br />the urge to complete something<br /><br />i need to sit down one day<br />look around<br />inside and out<br />and see what the fuck is going on<br />i kept my eyes closed for too long<br />and i need to open them<br />see what i have become<br />see what kind of "man" i have turned into<br />if that is what i am<br /><br /><br />enough is enough<br />no more kid stuff<br />its time to say whats on my mind<br />its time to kick some ass<br />its time to accept my choices